As a homeschool mom I set goals and try hard to reach them. I have learned over the years to make my goals attainable and not out of reach. Although I make them challenging, I don’t want to feel like I fall short all the time.
Along those same lines, I have expectations of how my day will go. I plan to get up at a certain time, do certain chores in a timely manner, run an errand or two, and have dinner ready when my husband walks in the door. Ha! Life happens and you barely get out of your pajamas before your husband walks through the door.
I also have expectations about homeschooling. With my oldest son (who is 8), I thought for sure I would have him reading like a pro by the time he was six years old. Well, six came and went and he tried as he might but still struggled so much. I let go of my expectations because they were not realistic. The beauty of homeschooling is that each child gets an individualized education. He just wasn’t ready so we put that subject aside for a short time in order to reassess his skills.
Choosing to go at your child’s pace is hard. We all want the best for our children but sometimes that means letting them take the lead. As soon as I stopped forcing my son to try harder in reading, he took off with it on his own. He started pointing out different words that he recognized. He started coming to me with books he knew he could read. After that, it has been all downhill. He is still learning but he feels so much more confident and doesn’t get as frustrated with me hovering over him.
My expectations were not met because I was choosing to not listen to my son’s needs. He needed me to back off and let him try by himself. No matter what the task or situation may be, we all feel a little bit sad when our goals are not met.
Another area of my life that falls short a lot is homemaking. Try as I may, I just can’t keep afloat. I have three boys all under the age of 8. I also have a chronic pain condition that keeps me from doing most things. I am blessed to have a husband who loves cleaning. You read that right. He cleans all.the.time. It used to bother me but now that I am not physically able to keep up with the demands of a busy household, I love him all the more for it.
For a long time I felt like a failure. I felt that I wasn’t good enough or clean enough to do what God has called me to do. But, here’s the thing: God gave me what I needed. He knew I would not be able to do all the things that needed to be done so he gave me a husband who takes the load off of me. I know that isn’t the case for many, but it is my situation. My expectations of being a homemaker were way beyond my reach. I thought I could do it all until four years ago when I began having chronic pain. I felt like a complete failure. That was certainly not what God wanted me to feel.
If you have ever had high expectations of your day, life, or what have you, I urge you to pray over them. Give each task or situation to God. Take them to the cross. No matter how big or small, He cares for you. When we take our cares to God, He lifts them from our shoulders and in return gives us peace and understanding. Homeschooling and homemaking and raising babies can be very hard. But, with God, all things are possible and all things can be given to Him.
VERY true! First year of homeschool was excruciating mentally, physically, and emotionally for our family. Signed up for a co-op and girl scouts, field trips, etc. Was any curriculum that was free online or at our local library.
Total burnout…and then at the very last two months of the school year, I just went numb. I barely did any teaching, and just decided to “let go”. Most of my friends that I met at the co-op advised me to just give myself plenty of “grace”. Without their encouragement, and help, I don’t think I would have made it.
After much prayer and soul searching, I finally decided to “let go” of any unrealistic expectations for myself AND my child. (my child was kicking the goads all the way and hated homeschooling)
This year, I re-aligned, stopped going to the co-op and went with an online curriculum
(schoolhouseteachers.com) and things are WAY smoother. My child has been much more cooperative, and willing to try new things. (Not saying that one should forgo any co-ops. There are many benefits to joining, but I think it’s an individual choice.)
For those parents out there who may have a similar situation with a very strong willed child, I encourage you to press on, lean on the Lord, and don’t give up! There are always other options and perspectives available!! Do not fall into the “guilt trap”. Just know that you truly are doing the best that you can with the giftings and knowledge you have at this point in time. Think about it…God already exists in the future..and he has great plans for each and every one of us.
Jerimiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
I too am fortunate to have a helper husband. He loves to cook, so that part makes it easy. However he has some pretty tough medical issues and is self-employed. So if he gets sick and can’t work, then things can get fairly difficult financially. But, we have been blessed each and every time with God’s help.
Whew! Know this is a bunch…but just wanted to lift up all those out there who might be first year homeschoolers, etc.
Thanks for your article…it was very helpful and encouraging.