You’ve heard people talking about the terrible twos and the terrible threes. But have you heard of the “terrible teens”? These labels may leave you quivering in your shoes, but as a mom of four children, I can tell you that none of these age stereotypes have to come true. There isn’t a litmus test predictor to determine that any of your offspring will, in fact, have “a terrible age.” In our household, we experienced some minor issues and tantrums with our littles. However, with the rapid growth of early teenage hood through graduation, these emotional, physical and hormonal changes can lead to bigger bumps in the road as teenagers.
After experiencing private, public and homeschooling atmospheres, it is a definite bonus to homeschool during this time period. As homeschoolers, you are able to have greater control over the outside influences on your children. However, it is virtually impossible to stop all influences. With that thought in mind, rather than running and hiding, it is the perfect opportunity to make sure lines of communication are open if they are not already.
As teens go through this period of change, they begin to see the world differently. In processing this newness, they need a patient, listening ear rather than a straight solution fix. Knowing that you will listen rather than jump to conclusions or jump to fix things will help them feel more comfortable and confident in coming to you and sharing, rather than sharing it with the wrong people or worse yet, holding it in.
The biggest thing I discovered while my kids were going through this stage is that they need to talk to you at the oddest times. When this happens, drop everything and listen! It always seemed they desperately needed to get something off their chest late at night or in the wee hours of the morning. Who said only babies keep you up! While I did have the desire to ask that they keep this need for deep meaningful conversation to “regular business hours”, I knew that if they were coming to me, I needed to forgo some sleep and listen.
What if you’ve never opened up these lines of communication? How do you do it? A good way to help open up the flow is to do things together and just allow. conversation to happen. Picking an activity your child likes to do is good. But you can also achieve a flow of conversation while washing dishes, driving a distance or going for walks. While these are some ways to open up communication, the key is to listen! Listen to your child patiently and attentively without outright over-prompting and questioning. These tactics usually backfire and lead to silence.
We are also in an age where many children, even Christian homeschooled children, are coming under much peer pressure and condemnation for things that they feel or have said. As the parent, you may be the only safe person they have to talk to. Be that safe person. Some topics may be difficult to hear or go against the grain, but your patient listening ear can do wonders! I remember quite a few of these “talks” where I did a lot of listening and tongue biting, followed by a lot of prayer on my knees before the Lord. I put my feelings aside and let Him do the work. And quite honestly, He always did!
So while there’s not a predictor of how your child’s teen years will unfold, having a quick, listening ear and a slow to react attitude, followed by lots of prayer, will help guide and possibly alleviate the “terrible teens”.
