Eagerly anticipating my three-year-old’s playdate, I was looking forward to a relaxing time with friends. Hoping our kids would get along, I entered my friend’s home. Immediately, my son ran off to play with the other kids. Before my coffee was even poured, he came running into the kitchen saying that one of the other boys hurt him. His mother told her son to say, “sorry.” I encouraged my son to say, “I forgive you.”
It sounded a little funny coming off my lips the first time I taught him to use those words, “I forgive you,” since I was so used to the classic playground response of “that’s okay.” That was the response I was used to hearing when I worked at a preschool. It’s what I would hear when I was out and about and it is what I would say myself. It took me some time to train myself, but I eventually got the hang of it.
Why?
First of all, I want my kids to know that no, what they just did was not okay, but I forgive them. And, not only me but the God who created them forgives them too. I find it important to expose them to the word and it’s application at a young age so when they learn more about it when they are older they have a reference point to draw from.
Guilt is inevitable and can lead our children to sin. If, instead of carrying guilt around, they are able to know that they are forgiven then rather than being drawn to sin they will be drawn to righteous living through Christ. Even as adults it is difficult to fully grasp the power of the blood shed on the cross for our sins, but if by faith we share this with our children at a young age, then my prayer is that our children will grow up into adults who have an understanding that God has forgiven their sins and they can walk confidently in the calling that God has set before them. If you think about it, what causes people, young or old to not follow God even if they have had a Christian upbringing? The underlying reason is usually shame. The shame of their sinful nature leads them into a sinful lifestyle because that is who they think they are. If, as a young child, we can teach our children that sin does not define them as a Christian but that they can be forgiven, and change then their teen and adult years will be dramatically different.
Start them out young. Use the phrase, “I forgive you,” as much as you can throughout their lives and encourage them to use it too. Don’t hold grudges against your children (which can be hard when it seems like they are constantly disrespecting or disobeying you), but truly forgive them and move on. Don’t bring up their sin to them over and over again but help them to understand the love of God through your unconditional love for them. Pray that God teaches you how to love them the way He loves them and let Him do the rest!
