Chores: that word can make both children and parents cringe. As a kid I had chore revulsion: tidying my room; washing dishes; CLEANING THE TOILET! Common side effects often included: heavy sighs, rolling of eyes, pushing out lower lip. Extreme cases caused slumping of back and stomping on the floor.

As a parent assigning those tasks, however, I reached a new level of distaste. The dread alone would sometimes tempt me to bypass the potential difficulties and just do the chores myself.

Parents can resist assigning children chores for a variety of reasons. We may feel that chores:

  • Take a lot of time to teach.
  • May jeopardize family relationships.
  • Are best done when children are older.
  • Are not a high priority when compared to their school and extracurricular activities.
  • Won’t be done correctly.

There are more reasons, and all can raise equally valid concerns. However, under current stay-at-home orders, many of these reasons are not so relevant. Staying at home may be causing an increase in the number and frequency of chores (I imagine many of us are in the kitchen much more often. And how many kids have had those glitter and art supplies out too many times?). One friend’s family, for example, has taken the phrase “spring cleaning” to a whole new level, and it’s all hands on deck! Depending on your situation, and perhaps from an emergency need, you may really need your children to participate more in family responsibilities. Right now is a perfect time to tackle chores!

First, rest assured. You and I, we’re not alone in this love-hate relationship with chores. As a result, scientists have actually studied them and their effect on children.

Guess what?! The benefits are overwhelming and long lasting. I knew chores were valuable, but research supports intrinsic consequences. More than getting a job “done,” chores actually:

  • Play important roles in brain growth and development. Chores are multi-taskers in building visible and invisible skills. They help build neuroplasticity (The brain’s ability to build connections and pathways throughout life.). Because chores naturally require repetitive activities, memory, and activity, play a role in building synapses and the brains structure. Chores also build the brain’s executive function, which makes the brain able to plan, choose actions, troubleshoot, be aware of other’s needs and desires, and more. Executive function is innately woven in repetitive tasks like chores: children must learn how to organize tasks and manage time, prep and maintain tools, assist others in tasks, experience the consequences of substandard completion. In addition, many chores are the kind that help develop the pathway between both brain hemispheres, playing a vital role in younger children’s reading readiness. These connections happen when children engage in gross motor skills (like digging in the garden, sweeping or mopping, folding clothes), as well as fine motor skills (picking and prepping herbs and vegetables, dusting picture frames, or measuring and pouring detergent).
  • Help ensure success as a young adult. A 2002 study examined young adults in their mid-20’s. The best predictor of their success was whether they participated in household tasks starting at age 3 or 4. On the contrary, if they had not started chores until older (15 or 16) adults they were less successful. The researchers determined success by measuring IQ, whether they completed high school education and were on a career path, were in healthy relationships and if drug use was involved.
  • Build crucial character traits such as self-control, patience and gratitude—just to name a few. We often don’t understand what it takes to really do a task until we actually do it. Giving your children the opportunity to experience the skills and traits needed to accomplish jobs builds their character and their appreciation of what others do. Learning what’s required, how to do it, overcoming obstacles, doing it well, and becoming a helper: this is a process with golden results.
  • Teach independence and teamwork, and the necessary balance between the two. A study required over 700 14-and 15-year olds to journal their activities and their moods over a 2-week period. Those who assisted in household chores reported feeling happier than those who didn’t. They felt their contributions were needed. They had a sense of purpose and self-esteem, recognizing their valuable role in the family. Being responsible and accomplishing a task teaches us what’s needed to productively contribute to goals beyond our own.

Some Quick Tips for Healthy Chore Training

How do we even get started? Maybe you’ve previously had little success in this arena. Here are some proven principles to help you equip your children become a contributing part of your family chore team.

  • Consider the who, what, where, when, why, and how of chores. Before assigning them, as parents think about what you want chores to do for your family. What previously mentioned benefits—or others—do you desire? These end goals will affect how you handle chores on a day-to-day basis. Will your children get money for chores? Will you use them as punishment? Should all children learn how to do all tasks in the home? What chores and how many are right for each child? The University of Arkansas has developed a handy list to guide you in selecting age appropriate levels of challenge. The questions offered here are just to get you thinking. Every family must make their own decisions. However, chores carry so many intrinsic consequences that we must thoughtfully consider what is being taught by how we handle them as a family.
  • Keep it clear and scheduled. Build a routine. This schedule can look different for every family—and even look different depending on the season or stage of life. Are there daily and weekly responsibilities? How regularly will each family member complete a task? Doing tasks repeatedly builds automaticity (muscle memory) and makes it a habit. Allow for flexibility. Knowing the parameters of a job also helps (my friend posted a laundry step reminder in easily understood language on the washer door). Overachieving with a “too tight” or overwhelming schedule burdens everyone and often results in negative rather than positive consequences.
  • Do chores together that benefit individuals and the family. This is valuable together time (take it from an empty nester!). Children will learn by participating with you. Each family member needs to understand that some tasks take care of the individual and some take care of others. You do have to invest a lot of time in teaching, coming alongside and guiding them. But that process in itself teaches valuable lessons. Children will also absorb the attitude you have about chore time. Your own positive approach to “the necessary evil” will be contagious.

Chores are not always fun, but they are rewarding and necessary. Reward yourself and your family by seeing them as the “blessing in disguise” that they truly are.

 

~Ruth