I look upon each of my eight children and know that I am enormously blessed. Yes, I’ve got runny noses and crumbs to clean. I’ve got driver’s education and college classes to navigate. Yes, I’ve got sibling disputes to cool and time-outs to issue sometime. But, in the midst of the parenting grind, I realized that one of the blessings I have in my children is the joy of their friendship. I often tell them that each one of them is my best friend, and oh, the joy that spreads across their faces!!

I’ve always heard that parents shouldn’t try to be friends with their children, that parenting them is enough, that parental authority is the most important aspect of the parent-child relationship. Yes, authority should be well established, but not to the detriment of the relationship. Even God our Father, who has established His authority and sovereignty over us, has also called the believer His friend. There is no mistake in the nature of the relationship, for He is to be revered above all. Yet, He is close to those who love Him and draw near to Him.

With this as our model, let us not forget the friendship aspect of raising our children.  Keeping close to our children’s hearts and learning to enjoy their company in each age and stage of their lives is such a beautiful dynamic of motherhood. That does not mean that we forsake correction, but it does mean that we are mindful of our children as the individuals our Creator has especially designed.

So, what does friendship with my children look like? It means letting them pull me into some of their interests. My children are teaching me to play chess and a few of their favorite video games. Others love creative writing and ask my opinion on characters and plot development; other times I’m simply a listening ear to the latest portion they’ve written. I can go on and on about bugs, wolves, frogs, hedgehogs, bats and tigers–not because I’m necessarily interested in these creatures, but because my children are, and so I’ve joined them in their quest for knowledge about them. I listen to their hopes and dreams, their goals and plans: owning a farm with lots of rabbits, horses, and sheep; being a wife and mom, living family life; publishing novels and creating a television series from it; interior decorating ideas; missions trips to Europe and Asia among others. I love to hear about what they’re thinking and to cheer them on all the way.

I try to keep a good working knowledge of their likes and dislikes, what makes them sing and what makes them cringe. At the end of the day, I don’t want the relationship to be one-sided, with me always pulling them in my direction of preferences and interests. Sure, it is natural for us as parents to show our children what we know, and we should. But, it should not be done to the extent that the child’s joy is stifled, and then he or she is unable to share some things as well. May we not forget that cultivating a close connection with our children helps them understand that they are truly precious to us, not only as our gifted children from God, but as our sweet friends.