In my imagination, they look something like a lamprey: fiercely holding on to their victims, depleting vitality until there’s little real life left. In reality, I’ve only seen what they’ve done–I’ve seen the results in myself. Suddenly, I find myself focusing on the negative. I realize I’m living in the zipcode of “I wish” and “If only” and my focus is on what’s going wrong; on what I don’t have; what I’m missing out on; the bad things in my life and in the lives of those I love. Griping and negativity swirl in my head and come out of my mouth. That proverbial glass is not half full–it’s not even wet inside. Only then I realize it. I can’t point to when it began, but I’ve been attacked by a joy sucker!

I can really blame no one but myself. Yes, there are things like sickness, hardships, and genuine evil happening in my world. My family is struggling. I have great moments of failure in my daily tasks and in my character. My life might actually be better if “X” were changed. But when the Joy Sucker has attacked, I know it’s because I’ve lost perspective.

When I was a kid, I would lift my thumb up, close one eye and my irritating brother’s head would disappear behind my thumb! That’s all perspective. And what I have done, spiritually and emotionally, when the joy is sucked out of me, is focus on “the thumb” rather than the big picture. I’ve set my eyes and my heart on what I don’t have rather than the abundance that I have in Christ.

Joy-sucking season alert! This time of year, attitude destroyers can run rampant. Perhaps that “magic curriculum” has fallen flat. Possibly you’re struggling with your teaching load and responsibilities. Maybe that child is constantly not responding to your guidance. And the upcoming Christmas and other holidays, which should be comfort and encouraging, can act more like a vise grip. There’s more to do, more to stress about and undue pressure to have “the perfect time.” And then there’s just the general malaise caused by so many others around you having the joy sucked out of them.

The prescription for lost perspective? Here are a couple of practical ways to heal from a joy-sucker attack.

#1: Be thankful.

Gratitude is an appreciation for what you receive, acknowledging the good. So, thankfulness can create a positive perspective. Studies have shown that those who are thankful feel happier. In his book Thanks, Dr. Robert A. Emmons explains the results of a study he conducted. During just a 10 week period, people who weekly wrote down five things they were thankful for felt 25% happier (more optimistic, felt better about their lives, etc.) than those who wrote 5 complaints or just listed 5 events that had occurred. This study reinforces what the Bible says happens to us when we are not thankful: it leads to futile thinking and darkened hearts (Romans 1:21). My thinking becomes detrimental when I cultivate an unthankful spirit. And here’s an encouragement that thankfulness will fill you with joy: “Thank the LORD….For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things (Psalm 107:8-9). I will constantly be dissatisfied (and become a hungry, yearning soul) if I expect my circumstances or my surroundings to satisfy me.

Try it Out: Create an ongoing thankful list and involve the whole family. Aim for one distinctly different thing to be thankful for daily. (If you meet that goal, try listing intangible things you’re thankful for.) Place your list where everyone can see. If you do this at Thanksgiving, great! But one day’s worth of being thankful will not sustain you. During a particular joy-sucking year in our family’s life, we wrote our thanks on adding machine tape each month, and then taped these together as a banner that hung in our dining area. It became a tangible reminder of all that God was and did.

#2: Make an exchange.

Just saying “no” won’t work. The best way to combat a negative is to replace it with a positive: actively renewing your thinking. I don’t mean just touchy-feely, general phrases like “it’ll be alright,” or “the sun will come out tomorrow.” Those are a meal of cotton candy. Instead, go for meaty, real Truth. For example, when there are challenging tasks before me and I’m feeling afraid and overwhelmed, I embrace the Truth that the Lord won’t leave or abandon me (Deut. 31:6). It might take some digging at first. It takes work to actively replace those joy sucker thoughts until Truth becomes habitual. This “great exchange” will help you actively substitute the negative with the actual and the positive.

Try it Out: Let’s lovingly call this approach a “Thumb chart.” I write on paper, but I’m sure a digital version would work, too. Write the negative thought down on one side of the chart. Then write the Truth that counteracts that on the opposite side. Doing so trains yourself to contrast Truth alongside your own interpretation of the situation. Revisit that Truth as you need it. As joy-suckers attack, keep adding to your list. After a short time, you’ll have a go-to list that can be used immediately.

We can’t make the challenges and difficulties of life go away. It’s even worse if we ignore them. But we do have a choice in how we respond.

It’s hard work to heal from and counteract the damages of a joy sucker. It takes conscious effort and habitual practice. So, in your fight, be encouraged. It is possible to be victorious! May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13)