When I was in middle and high school I had the hardest time making friends. I always thought it would be so much easier as an adult. So many people I knew had friends and got along great. I have always been a little socially awkward but never so much that I couldn’t make a friend or two.

Fast forward many years and it really isn’t easier to become real friends with someone. With the invention of social media and smartphones, interaction with humans in-person isn’t what it used to be. Since I homeschool and stay at home most of the time, that doesn’t help either.

But, I’ve learned in the past few years how to make real friendships. Friendships that last and have real meaning. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve encountered a lot of the high school drama and cliques even as an adult. I’ve felt bullied and isolated. I have felt let down many times by others. This led me to lean hard on Jesus and His friendship that comes at no cost and has zero drama. He knows exactly who I am as a person and accepts me, flaws and all.

Besides Jesus, I also have a few real friends. I had to put myself out there though. I had to become vulnerable and get out of my comfort zone. I’ve had to do the hard work in order to really get to know these women. It has paid off tremendously.

Since I homeschool, the only people I hang out with are those at my church and those in our homeschool co-op. It is limited but these are women with common interests. I started going up to others and asking for playdates. This led to more playdates and our children developing friendships. When the kids are friends, it kind of forces the moms to be friends too.

I was in my comfort zone of saying no to everything for so long that saying yes felt refreshing. Although it was a little scary at first, we got through it and now I love saying yes to having people over or going to visit others. I say yes to field trips and classes and moms night out events. Instead of hiding away waiting for something to happen, I had to make it happen.

I am an introvert. I like my home and my books and my porch. But trying to make friends has made me a little bit of an extrovert. I am a little more outgoing and will talk to other moms at the park that I don’t even know. I have been that mom at the park by myself and feeling extremely vulnerable and alone. I try to seek those moms out now and say hello. The smiles that I have seen on their faces is worth the nervousness of initiating conversation with a stranger. While the kids are playing, I can get to know these other moms and maybe we have some things in common.

After many years of struggling to make friends as an adult, I have a few now. One of my closest friends is like my twin. We have so much in common, it’s a little scary. We use the same curriculum (we chose it without even knowing), we read the same books, we do the same stuff with our children. It’s so refreshing.

Another friend is a cousin I didn’t know I had. We just happened to be at an event together and started talking. Come to find out, our dads are cousins. It was hilarious. Now our children call each other cousins and have a special bond. We go to co-op together and go to church together. It’s wonderful.

I had to go through a few very hard friendships to get to this place. I also had to be rejected by many women to see my real value as a friend. I don’t have close relationships with any of my sisters or in-laws. It’s hard to not have family that you feel close to. But having a couple of good friends is so comforting.

I know it’s hard to find valuable friendships as a woman, mom, adult. But I truly believe that it can be done. These women that are my friends now may only be for a season but I am enjoying them while I can. God gives such great examples of friendships in the Bible such as David and Johnathan, Naomi and Ruth, and John and Jesus. He wants us to have friends.

If you are having a hard time finding true friendships, you are not alone. Look for moms at the park and talk to them. Put yourself out there at your co-op. Spark up a conversation at church with another mom. You never know where it might lead.