My five year old would not eat her dinner. Every. Single. Night. I was at a loss. Her two older brothers were never terribly picky eaters, so this was new to me. What was I doing wrong? Finally, after trying what seemed to be everything, I learned the secret to dealing with her poor eating habits.
Before I share with you my secret, lets talk about cause and effect.
What goes up must come down. Basic concept, right? You would think that the basic principle of cause and effect would be an easy concept for children to understand. If you don’t eat, then you will be hungry. If you don’t sleep then you will be tired. If you hit someone, then they will be hurt. Why then, is it difficult for kids to understand? Some kids refuse to eat at mealtime. Others won’t go to bed when told or when another child steals the fire truck they are playing with, all rules and common sense go out the window and the fighting begins. Why?
Self-centeredness,
When emotions get involved or your child feels threatened, then thinking about what reaction will happen in response to their actions is not going to happen. All children are born into sin. This sin puts themselves first rather than what the Bible teaches as right. Sin looks out for me, myself and I.
When we as parents put this in perspective we can then deal with the heart of the issue rather than the issue itself. This is where the secret lies: deal with the heart issues.
What does this look like practically?
First, remove your emotions from the situation.
If the issue is a picky eater, as mine was, then the first thing you need to do is remove your emotions from the situation. No matter how emotional your child might be behaving in response to her not wanting to eat her food, you cannot react emotionally. For example, if your child is throwing their food, do not get your feelings hurt that they are being disobedient or disrespectful. Do not take it personally.
Second, deal with what they are doing wrong. Once your emotions are removed from the situation, deal with it. However you have chosen to punish your child, whether corporal, a time-out, or taking away a privilege then follow through. Do not react out of anger or frustration but calmly set your child aside, provide the proper punishment and then require them to do what was expected such as finishing their food at the dinner table.
Third, make sure they understand your expectations. You cannot let yourself be manipulated or all will be lost. You need to make sure that they follow through with what you are expecting from then. Using our mealtime example, once you determine not to get emotional about it and then punish your child, you need to make sure that they finish what you expect them to finish. Now. Not later, Not tomorrow. If they refuse to eat their dinner, make them sit in their seat until it is done. If you have to leave to go to church or it becomes their bedtime then put their meal in the fridge and serve it to them for breakfast. If they do not eat it at breakfast then do not give them anything else, including snacks and give it to them for lunch. They quickly learn. It may seem like a tedious chore but it is not. It teaches them who is in charge and they soon learn that it it not them.
Finally, notice the signs before they escalate. After you have gone through the first three steps, be sure to teach in the down times what you expect from your child. Use scripture to teach them what you require from them so when they are tempted to sin, they will be provided with a way out through scripture. If the issue is them talking back to adults, don’t allow it to happen at home, deal with it so it does not escalate when out in public. If the issue is temper tantrums at the store, work hard to expect first time obedience from your children at home so they don’t meltdown when out and about.
In summary, rather than being concerned about the fact that your child won’t do a certain thing, deal with the heart of the matter. The issue is not the fact that they are not eating their dinner, it’s the fact that they are not doing what you tell them to do. Engrain in their little minds the importance of obeying their parents and ultimately obeying God. Reward them when they do, whether with words or a hug and punish them when they don’t in a way that seems fit. When they see you being consistent in your expectations them they will find security in the routine then your difficult times (mealtime, bedtime, etc) will go much smoother.
