A lot is said about discovering your child’s learning style. Are they a visual, auditory, kinesthetic, or tactile learner? While this is all great and very helpful while teaching, I would like to look at another aspect that plays into their learning. Are you speaking their language? Their love language. Do they feel loved? I Corinthians 13:1 takes on a whole new meaning if I apply it to my teaching and parenting. If, as a parent, I have all the gadgets, manipulatives, and even the best degrees, but do not teach in love…it profits little.

Ouch! There were many times I lost my patience with my own kids or became demanding with assignments or demeaning when a concept wasn’t understood. For a couple years I taught in a small private school my children attended and often felt convicted about the fact that I had more patience and grace with other people’s children than I did while homeschooling my own. Let’s face it, as hard as we try to be the best parent AND teacher, it is not a job for the faint of heart. So how do I possibly do it right? Where do I start? As a Christian, it all starts with love. “For God so loved the world He gave.” More specifically, it starts with love in action.

Each child is unique, and each child has their own love language. It is my highest calling to love them first, then build on that. Imagine, if you will, that your child’s heart is like a balloon. Every night the air goes out and every day it needs to be filled again. A flat balloon does not respond as well as a full balloon. A full balloon will bounce back when something dings it. A flat balloon will just flop to the other side. We are imperfect parents and will be guilty of causing some dings to our child’s heart as will others.  How they respond may be a good indication of how full or empty the balloon is. As a visual learner myself, looking at my children with this illustration helped me to love intentionally in their language.

I would encourage every parent to read The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. He pinpoints how to connect with your child using love languages. Here are some examples:

  • Words of affirmation – encourage, affirm, appreciate, empathize, listen carefully and actively.
  • Quality time – uninterrupted and focused quality time with conversation and direct engagement.
  • Physical touch – non-verbal use of body language to express love and affection.
  • Acts of service – helping and showing love through actions and through active efforts.
  • Receiving gifts – thoughtful gifts both material and otherwise, to show your child they are a priority.

There are many free tests online to help you decide your child’s language and to also discover yours. It is very natural to love in our own language but harder sometimes to love in another. I’m an acts of service kind of girl and sitting still and giving someone quality time is challenging for me!

So, going into this new school year, study your children. Make a game plan to speak to their heart as well as their brain. When we build on love, we have a surer foundation! ~ Amber Garcia